Thursday, April 25, 2013

Flash fiction: Raptor Seeks Prey

I wrote this a while ago for my writing group.  We were writing flash fiction about velociraptors.

Raptor seeks prey
Hey what’s up ladies you can call me V this is my first time on this online dating thing so be gentle with me LOL just kidding bring it I’m not scared of anything well except asteroids don’t know why those things just freak me out LOL well I guess I should tell you some stuff about myself I’ve got a muscular build and old fashioned values by old fashioned I mean Cretaceous Period but don’t get me wrong I’m a fun-loving guy I love hunting and spending time outdoors especially at night and I’m looking for a girl who can keep up with me someone who can handle my lifestyle I like girls with some meat on their bones and I don’t care if you don’t like to cook ‘cause I’m on the primal diet I mean for real not like your loser ex oh and on that topic don’t bring drama into the relationship ‘cause I don’t have time for that and I’ll disembowel the dude and then slash all his tires with my sickle claw for good measure ‘cause that’s how I roll so if you crave a little danger in your life send me a message just remember I like my women like I like my meat RAW and QUIVERING LOL just kidding well maybe not you’ll have to find out oh and any of you planning to message me bitching about my grammar well for your information I’m from Mongolia and this is my second language my first language is REEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWR and if you give me a chance I’ll make you bilingual too.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Coming out of hibernation to discuss vegan King Cakes

Well, I started an MFA program last summer (at the wonderful Goddard College) and subsequently abandoned my blog.  But I'm back today, to talk about a very important topic: Vegan King Cakes!  The king cake, as I first discovered while visiting NOLA in 2002 (back when I still lived up north) is a delicious Carnival season dessert.  It's essentially a giant, ring-shaped cinnamon roll covered in  colored sugar.  With a plastic baby in it.  Yum!
When I went vegan, I was very pleased to find that vegan king cakes could be obtained from Whole Foods.  Since then, I've discovered two other places where one can obtain them: The Peacebaker in Metairie, and Truly Free Bakery in Baton Rouge.  So, who has the best vegan king cake?  Here are my reviews:

The best: Whole Foods
Whole Foods king cakes are really close to the real (non-vegan) thing.  Don't believe me?  Once I brought one to a parade with my friend and a bunch of her friends.  Several of her friends, not knowing it was vegan, tried it and commented on what a good king cake it was.  The cakes are generously sized and will serve many people.  The downside of the Whole Foods cake is that it is pricy (this is Whole Paycheck, after all), and you have to call in advance to order one.  As far as I know, they do not make filled vegan king cakes, so you can only get the plain cinnamon flavor.  Also, the frosting tends to get hard quite quickly.  I like to heat up the leftovers in the microwave to soften it again.

Also good: The Peacebaker
The Peacebaker is a new-ish gluten free bakery in Metairie, and most (but not all) of what they make is also vegan.  Their king cakes are the small round type (as opposed to the large oval kind).  They have pretty frosting in the Mardi Gras colors.  This cake was really yummy, and my husband and I devoured it quite quickly.  We agreed, though, that the texture was not very similar to the traditional king cake.  It was more like a muffin or coffee cake.  I imagine this is because it's gluten free.  Like Whole Foods, they don't make them with fillings at this point, but they told me they hope to next year.

Not so great: Truly Free Bakery
It really pains me to write this, because I LOVE Truly Free.  Anton and I enjoy going there for lunch on days when he has doctor appointments.  They have delicious, healthy things to eat and a great kid's menu.  Also the staff is super-friendly.  So when I discovered that they made king cakes, including several with FILLING, I was psyched.  Sadly...this cake was not so good.  I got a blueberry cream cheese filled cake.  The filling was yummy.  The cake?  Not so much.  It was hard as a rock and really, really dense.  I considered my microwave trick to see if it would soften, but I was afraid that would ruin the cream cheese filling. Everything else I've ever had from Truly Free was awesome, so I don't know what went wrong here :(

If there are any other places in NOLA or BR that make vegan king cakes, I'd love to hear about them!  In the meantime, I will fantasize about a Whole Foods cake, with The Peacebaker's frosting and Truly Free's filling.  That would be the ultimate vegan king cake!